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minicup.com
HUMOR
POINTERS FOR MEN!
In the world
of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do
something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes
& points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing
something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple
Duties
You make the
bed....................................................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows.........................0
You throw the bedspread over
rumpled sheets...........................................-1
You
leave the toilet seat
up........................................................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's
empty..........................................0
When the
toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex..........................-1
When the Kleenex runs out you
shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.............-2
You go out to
buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..........+5
But return with
beer...................................................................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at
night.....................................................0
You
check out a suspicious noise and it's
nothing..........................................0
You check out
a suspicious noise and it's
something...................................+5
You pummel it
with a six
iron...................................................................+10
It's her
father............................................................................................-10
Social Engagements
You stay by her
side the entire
party.............................................................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college drinking
buddy.........................................................................................................-2
Named
Tiffany............................................................................................-4
Tiffany is a
dancer.......................................................................................-6
Tiffany has
implants.....................................................................................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
lovingly .............+1
When mingling, you introduce her as
"the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the
rump...........................................................................................................-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if
you think
she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as
attractive as you".......+1
When your mate points to a woman and
asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy
in
bed"..............................................................-6
That woman is her
sister............................................................................-90
You have one drink, and that's
it..................................................................0
You
have more than a few and perform the tango with a
poodle..................-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely
remember being fingerprinted.................-18
Saturday Afternoons
You go to the
mall
together.........................................................................+3
You
go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the
car................+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the
entrance, then drive to a sports bar....-2
You spend the day
shopping for furniture and pretend to like
it....................+3
You spend the day shopping for
furniture, and nap on a sectional...................0
You spend
the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk
................................+3
Most of it chips and beer
............................................................................-6
You
tackle a large household project, such as painting the
den...................+15
Or refinishing the
floors.............................................................................+16
Or rewiring the
basement..........................................................................+17
Or adding a second
floor..........................................................................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom
wastebasket....................-6
And you're tickled pink about
it................................................................-15
You visit her
parents...................................................................................
0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation
.................................+3
You visit her parents and
stare vacantly at the television...............................-3
And the television is
off...............................................................................-6
You
spend the afternoon watching college football in your
underwear..........-6
And you didn't even go to
college.............................................................-10
And
it's not your
underwear......................................................................-15
Her
Birthday
You take her out to
dinner............................................................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar
.....................................+1
Okay, it is a sports
bar................................................................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat
night.......................................................................-3
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar
player...........................+3
You go to a pricey
restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing..........+4
If you
stink.................................................................................................+2
If you're not half
bad..................................................................................+5
You give her a
gift........................................................................................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance
..............................................-10
You give her a
gift and it's not a small appliance
.........................................+1
You give her a gift,
and it isn't
chocolate......................................................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months
..............................+30
You wait until the last minute
and buy her a gift that day ............................-10
With
her credit
card..................................................................................-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big
...........................................-40
Thoughtfulness
You forget her
birthday
completely..........................................................-20
You forget your
anniversary....................................................................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus
station..............................................-45
Which
is in Newark, New
Jersey............................................................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg
cast...............................................-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out
with a pal
......................................................................................-5
And the pal is happily married
...................................................................-4
Or frighteningly single
................................................................................-7
And he drives a
Mustang.........................................................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)
......................................-15
You have a few
beers................................................................................-9
And miss curfew by an
hour.....................................................................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't
call.........................................-20
You get home at
3
am..............................................................................-30
You
get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars
........................-40
And not wearing any
pants.......................................................................-50
Is that a
tattoo??....................................................................................-200
A Night Out
You take her to a
movie............................................................................+2
You take her to a movie she
likes..............................................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate
.............................................................+6
You take her to a movie you
like...............................................................-2
It's called DeathCop
3...............................................................................-3
Which features cyborgs having
sex.............................................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
...............................-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only
when it's expected............................................... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it
............................+20
You give her wildflowers you've
actually picked yourself .........................+30
And she
contracts Lyme
disease..............................................................-25
Your
Physique
You develop a noticeable
potbelly...........................................................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it.................+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and
resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian
shirts..........................................................................................-5
Finances
You spend a lot of money on
something impractical....................................-5
Something she won't
use...........................................................................-10
Like a second minicup racecar (for short
tracks)........................................-20
And she got a
small appliance for her
birthday...........................................-40
Driving
You lost the directions on a
trip...................................................................-4
You
lost the directions and end up getting
lost............................................-10
You end up
getting lost in a bad part of
town.............................................-15
You're lost
in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal
-25
You know
them........................................................................................-60
The
Big Question
She asks, "Do I look
fat?"........................................................................-5
(Sensitive
questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in
responding......................................................................-10
You reply,
"Where?"...............................................................................-35
Communication
When she wants to talk
about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned
expression..............................................................................0
When
she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30
minutes.............................+5
You listen for more than
30 minutes without looking at the TV.................+10
She
realizes this is because you've fallen
asleep........................................-20
Not had enough yet?
Click here to get some good advice
for when you are pulled over by the police.
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