minicup.com HUMOR

POINTERS FOR MEN!

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties

You make the bed....................................................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........................0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...........................................-1
You leave the toilet seat up........................................................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..........................................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..........................-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.............-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..........+5
But return with beer...................................................................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................................................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..........................................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...................................+5
You pummel it with a six iron...................................................................+10
It's her father............................................................................................-10

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party.............................................................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.........................................................................................................-2
Named Tiffany............................................................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer.......................................................................................-6
Tiffany has implants.....................................................................................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly .............+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump...........................................................................................................-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think
she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you".......+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"..............................................................-6
That woman is her sister............................................................................-90
You have one drink, and that's it..................................................................0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle..................-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted.................-18

Saturday Afternoons

You go to the mall together.........................................................................+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car................+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar....-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it....................+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional...................0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ................................+3
Most of it chips and beer ............................................................................-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den...................+15
Or refinishing the floors.............................................................................+16
Or rewiring the basement..........................................................................+17
Or adding a second floor..........................................................................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket....................-6
And you're tickled pink about it................................................................-15
You visit her parents................................................................................... 0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation .................................+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television...............................-3
And the television is off...............................................................................-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear..........-6
And you didn't even go to college.............................................................-10
And it's not your underwear......................................................................-15

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner............................................................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar .....................................+1
Okay, it is a sports bar................................................................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.......................................................................-3
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player...........................+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing..........+4
If you stink.................................................................................................+2
If you're not half bad..................................................................................+5
You give her a gift........................................................................................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ..............................................-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance .........................................+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate......................................................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months ..............................+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ............................-10
With her credit card..................................................................................-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ...........................................-40

Thoughtfulness

You forget her birthday completely..........................................................-20
You forget your anniversary....................................................................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station..............................................-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey............................................................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast...............................................-60

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal ......................................................................................-5
And the pal is happily married ...................................................................-4
Or frighteningly single ................................................................................-7
And he drives a Mustang.........................................................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ......................................-15
You have a few beers................................................................................-9
And miss curfew by an hour.....................................................................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call.........................................-20
You get home at 3 am..............................................................................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ........................-40
And not wearing any pants.......................................................................-50
Is that a tattoo??....................................................................................-200

A Night Out

You take her to a movie............................................................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes..............................................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate .............................................................+6
You take her to a movie you like...............................................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3...............................................................................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex.............................................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ...............................-15

Flowers

You buy her flowers only when it's expected............................................... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ............................+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself .........................+30
And she contracts Lyme disease..............................................................-25

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly...........................................................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.................+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts..........................................................................................-5

Finances

You spend a lot of money on something impractical....................................-5
Something she won't use...........................................................................-10
Like a second minicup racecar (for short tracks)........................................-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday...........................................-40

Driving

You lost the directions on a trip...................................................................-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost............................................-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town.............................................-15
You're lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal -25
You know them........................................................................................-60

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?"........................................................................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding......................................................................-10
You reply, "Where?"...............................................................................-35

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression..............................................................................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.............................+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.................+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep........................................-20

Not had enough yet?  Click here to get some good advice
for when you are pulled over by the police.

 

 

 

 
03/16/2013 04:20:44 AM                            Webmaster Note:  You are welcome to link to minicup.com and use the minicup.com logo to establish the link.