"You might be a racer if ..."
- You think the
primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
- You take
your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses.
feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best
- You are happiest when your street car's tires are
worn to racing depth (wear bars showing).
- When something
falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just
- You change engine oil every other week.
sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get
the throttle right after turning in.
- You thoroughly
enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a
- Your racing budget is one of the big three --
mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
- Your email
address refers to your race car rather than to you.
walk proper lines through the grocery store.
- You buy new
parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
bought a race car before buying a house.
- You bought a race
car before buying furniture for the new house.
looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought
- You find that you need a new house because
you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening
violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front
- The requirements you give your real estate agent are
(in order of importance):
1) Climate controlled garage with an
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew
cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease
5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property
somewhere -or- hookups for the motorhome.
- You measure all
family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could
have been purchased.
- You sit in your race car in a dark
garage and make car noises while waiting for your motor to get back
from the machine shop.
- You look at the purchase of tools as
a long term investment.
- Your wife says, "If you buy another
set of tires, I'm getting a new mink."
- Your garage holds
more cars than your house has bedrooms.
- You have enough
spare parts to build another car.
- More than one racer
supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you
- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Gentlemen,
start your engines!"
- If you can't remember when you last
worked on weekdays and rested on
registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer
- After your answer to "What did you do this
weekend?" the next
question is always: "And you do this for fun?
- You have a separate drawer for 'garage
- Your reading material in your bathroom consists
of racing supply catalogs and 400 racecar magazines.
know you by your car number, make, and sponsor.
- You talk to
other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturers
- Your first date involves asking her to crew for
- Your criteria for selecting a significant other
include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's
- Your family remembers your hair color as
- You plan your wedding around the race
- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a
snapped breaker bar every
other week or so.
- Your family
brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with
- You complain when cars in front of you on highway
off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to
- You give out Racer Wholesale's number when a friend
asks for the best hardware store.
- You refer to the corner
down the street from your house as "Turn One."
- You look at
the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming
- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line
through the turn.
- You can't stand anyone telling others how
to drive. Of course, you are the best.
- You can't stand
- You always want to change something in your
street car to make it handle better.
- You will gladly pay up
to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
- You hate long distance
driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race
- You think that traction control and ABS are for
those who can't
- You've ever tried to convince
your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her
- You save broken car parts as
- Your last several freeway forays included just
brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas
doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
- The local
tire shop won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have
been within 50 yards of...
- The shop manager at your local
car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees the
size of your exhaust piping.
- The local police and state
Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their
- You would choose a roll bar over air
conditioning if it were an option.
- White smoke coming out
from under your tires is a common sight.
- You consider the
redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun
- You spend more on insurance premiums than on
- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring
out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given
- When someone asks where you went to school, you
reply, "Buck Baker's".
- You have racing shops programmed on
on your speed dialer.
- You own five cars and only one of
them is street legal.
- You know the 1/4 mile times and skid
pad numbers of your riding mower and
want to improve
- You've embarrassed your significant other at least
once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet while
- You know the "racing line" of every turn in your
daily commute, including
your alternate routes, and practice
hitting them every day.
- You quote your street tire wear
life in weeks rather than miles.
- You regularly live test
your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd
but not worth going into 3rd for.
- You've started looking
for sponsors for your daily commute.
- After you tell your
wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she
is there a race there?"
If you've taken the above test and found that you are
a race car driver, you'll need to learn how to keep your wife
here to learn about the points system.